I have to make it through this cookout

I have a two hour work cookout. I have to smile and act like I'm not dead on the inside. Like a care about this job or anything right now. I want to go to my house and have six seconds of hugging and kissing and then just sitting and holding each other. Where did that go? He said that he is focusing on himself and I can't do that. I don't know how to stop focusing on him. I don't.