Friday, September 25, 2009
I have reached a breaking point
I will not be pushed around by anyone anymore. I am tired of my wishes being second fiddle to the men of my past and men of my present. Everyone has taken for granted that I am easily swayed. No more my friends. My feet are in concrete. My ideas and feelings are worth as much as anyone elses. I love my kids, I love Anthony, but right now I have to learn to love and trust myself more than anything. I hate this time in my life more than anything.
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I don't understand what you are saying. If you hadn't worried about the men in you past you wouldn't be losing me. You worried to much about the men of your past while married to me. I wouldn't let that happen in my life, my life won't be controlled by another man. I haven't made you choose between your children and me, you let them men of you past put you in a situation that you had to choose. You have a choice to make and it can only lead to one real resolution under what you believe and think. So I really don't know what you want from me. You want me to want you, but yet I can't be with you. I would not try to confuse you feelings like that, so I don't know why you want to screw with mine. When you stop blaming my P.T.S.D. and fight the real issue, and quit protecting the one that has deceived you,lied to you, tried to turn your childrend against you, turned your parents against you, pressured you into doing things you didn't want to do, bullying, and you let that person not only do it to you but you expected me to accept it because you are afraid to loose your kids. What has he done in the past 5 years of your life has done to earn so much trust, that he can take you kids, that you will keep you kids if you leave me? I'm not driven by you parents money and influence, and I did what I NEEDED to do to protect my family, I did it the only way I know and that is to fight, but I can't fight all of you. You thinking I hate the kids or I mean for some reason when I'm really trying to help. Maybe your mind is so diluted by him you can't trust me. But I can't do anything about that, I've been trying for 3 1/2 years, and I'm tired. I shouldn't have to prove to my wife that I AM the one that she SHOULD trust. I never tried to control you, maybe that is what you need to survive. You can only handle being controlled, kinda like a zoo animal, that can't make it in the wild.
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