Many of you know that I started this blog to vent when no one else would listen, brag when everyone had heard enough about the kids or cry when I was too proud to let my feelings out in public. This is the vessel that helps me release those many and varied emotions. If you can't handle it well tune in again a different day. This is the letter that I wish I had the spine to write and mail to my Dad for his birthday. Today is his 71st.
Dear Dad,
I need to reach out to you and share that I am truly sad with the state of our relationship. In my wildest dreams, I would never have imagined that I would go a week much less months without speaking to or seeing you. There are no words for the level of pain that I feel everyday without you in my life. It really didn't have to be this way. It isn't what I wanted.
After a year of reflection on my emotions, relationships, fears, childhood, anger and pains; I know that we aren't the only family that experiences these types of problems. And most importantly to me, I know that I am not the only one at fault. Tony isn't the only one at fault and you and mom aren't the only ones at fault. We all have fault. However, I am the only one that wants to get passed it and move on.
I have moved on, Dad. If only you could see that I am a great Mother, Wife, Friend and Daughter. The divorce changed nothing in those areas. Why can't you see me for who I am? Why can't you look in the mirror and know that I am the woman that you raised me to be: Smart, Passionate, Protective, Faithful, Spiritual, and Tough.
I am your daughter. I am your flesh and blood -- you always said that meant something. You always said that you would be behind me 110% no matter what happened. That you trusted me and that we of the same mind. WHY DID THE DIVORCE CHANGE THAT? And why did you take his side? And why do you hate the man that I do love and loves me back?
When will I wake up from this nightmare and have my father back? I am preparing myself that the answer to that may be never. Daddy, please don't let that be the case. Please remember the one member of the family that was always there for you on the farm, at the plant, when the business needed help, that worked so very hard to make you proud. Please Dad please stop listening to Mom and Alisa and remember that I am your daughter and that I love you. I want you back in my life and I want it to be respectful of my family. Will you ever be able to be that person? Will it be this year? Your 71st year? I pray one day this year will be that day.
You will be in my thoughts all day and I hope that I cross your mind in a loving way.
Your eldest daughter.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
46 Years and Still a Kid
Hubby celebrated his Birthday Party all weekend long and it came to an end with the big homemade Birthday dinner. The traditional linguine with clam sauce. He loves it and I'm damn good at making it. The kids were a huge help and I love cooking with them. I love this picture because they all look like kids. So much for the sophisticated family. I think that ship has sailed. At least we were all happy and healthy and that is the greatest blessing.
Of course there were gifts, because he would never speak to us if there were no gifts. Look at the additional pictures to see all the Razorback stuff and movies that he got for his birthday.
A new Razorback Watch, Razorback coffee mug and a new Razorback pen from the kids. We will make him love the hogs or else!!!
The Bogey and Bacall DVD set from Me!
Of course there were gifts, because he would never speak to us if there were no gifts. Look at the additional pictures to see all the Razorback stuff and movies that he got for his birthday.
A new Razorback Watch, Razorback coffee mug and a new Razorback pen from the kids. We will make him love the hogs or else!!!
The Bogey and Bacall DVD set from Me!
I bought these two cakes at the Mart. When I unpacked them I noticed the different takes on the hog snout. The one on the left looks like a red rat. Someone needs to figure out that hogs are not mice. They at least tasted good. Yummy Lard Icing.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Where or Where Did My Knitting Go? Oh Where O'Where Could It Be?
I haven't touched my knitting in a solid month. It is missing me desperately, and vice-versa. The funny or bizarre side of this is that I am still reading knitting blogs, looking for patterns and watching Knitty Gritty on HGTV. What is wrong with me. Just pick up the needles and knit. The good Lord knows that I need the stress balancer that comes from knitting. For some reason, I just can't make myself do it!
For those of you that aren't aware of the latest drama, I'm going to talk about something on the blog today that I need to get out of my system. Some of you may know that my hubby, Anthony, found his birth mother and sister on August 5th. This has been a blessing and a curse. I think for them and us. It isn't like the movies or soap operas. There isn't a last scene that ties up all the loose ends in the last 5 minutes of the movie.
It just doesn't work that way.
There are deep emotional scars on both sides. There is a need to be accepted on both sides and there is a need for approval. Hours and hours of phone calls, tears, laughs and email picture exchanging has taken place. It has been a huge emotional experience.
I think we are getting to know them, but where do they fit into our lives? Where do we fit into theirs? It is almost too much in a short time for everyone involved.
Anthony has done well at times and then not so well at others. He and his birth mother were seperated around age 4. Then he was adopted around 5ish.
We hope to spend time with them in the future and I think the Sister and I could really be dangerous together. She is a democrat and has an adventerous spirit like me. So keep all of us in your thougts as we navigate this uncharted territory.
For those of you that aren't aware of the latest drama, I'm going to talk about something on the blog today that I need to get out of my system. Some of you may know that my hubby, Anthony, found his birth mother and sister on August 5th. This has been a blessing and a curse. I think for them and us. It isn't like the movies or soap operas. There isn't a last scene that ties up all the loose ends in the last 5 minutes of the movie.
It just doesn't work that way.
There are deep emotional scars on both sides. There is a need to be accepted on both sides and there is a need for approval. Hours and hours of phone calls, tears, laughs and email picture exchanging has taken place. It has been a huge emotional experience.
I think we are getting to know them, but where do they fit into our lives? Where do we fit into theirs? It is almost too much in a short time for everyone involved.
Anthony has done well at times and then not so well at others. He and his birth mother were seperated around age 4. Then he was adopted around 5ish.
We hope to spend time with them in the future and I think the Sister and I could really be dangerous together. She is a democrat and has an adventerous spirit like me. So keep all of us in your thougts as we navigate this uncharted territory.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar - Thank you Helen!
Don't freak out. Two blog posts in a week. I had to return to the blog to flesh out my thoughts on the speech by Sarah Palin - or as my friend Jim and I now refer to her, Sister Sarah. She knocked it out of the ballpark so to speak. The first half of the speech was charming. Exactly what she needed to do to introduce herself and her family to the country. She looks like Tina Fey and she has similar comic timing. Good for her. Good for women. Since in 2004 we made up around 54% of the voters, it would seem that 1 in 4 of the candidates from the two party system would sit to pee. (In McCain's defense, at his age, he may have to sit to pee.)
Now, the second part of the speech was from some McCain writer and it showed. Yes, I have heard that he was in the military and yadda, yadda, yadda. I respect his service, but tell me about his future not his past. Not to mention we aren't supposed to comment on "her family issues" but they sure used them as pretty props last night) As far as I'm concerned, I think it should all be fair game. We have reached that extremely low part in journalism so let's just go all out. Maybe all the families of the four running mates participate in Jello wrestling matches. Thoughts?
Anyway, I am mature enough to recognize that McCain's people went for the one area (that I have said for over a year -- I have witnesses) that Obama was weak. Pure experience. That is why I voted for Hillary in the Primary and would have voted for her again in November if given the chance. My party became enamored with the thought of having Obama for president without fully "vetting" him.
I respect Joe Biden. Great liberal and I have to love that he is a Catholic or what I would call sensible Catholic. (Not that he is gonna get to take communion for that) And I think Sen. Biden has all the stuff to be President if need be, but Obama's people took a huge misstep and it may just cost them the election. They knew that his lack of experience would be the issue. Heck, it was the issue that Hillary used against him. Did they think McCain would just let that go? Executive Power woos people. Not sure that is the way you spell woo but go with it, okay? Obama's people were thinking they needed to balance the ticket and getting a fairly attractive clean living old white guy with lots of DC experience would do it. But it kinda goes against the "motto" they are using of McCain more of the Same. How are they changing Washington if they take Joe in tow?
But McCain, he performed a Lazarus miracle. He got people's attention and is keeping it. I truly thought the DNC was a tight program last week and flashy to a fault, but the usually boring GOP last night was on fire with Sister Sarah. An unknown mother of five that is a popular Governor, has a special needs infant, a son going to Iraq, a nephew in the gulf, a knocked up teenage daughter (with scared teenage baby daddy in hand--I bet he wishes he had worn a condom) and a pretty darn good looking husband that is half Eskimo. What the F**K? It could only be better if she was cross-eyed. And she gave one hell of a speech considering she had never in her life done anything like that in Alaska.
Now just to keep all of you on track. I am NOT voting for McCain/Palin, their party and my politics don't see eye to eye. But I give them props for doing an amazing job of pulling this campaign together and making this a convention worth watching!
Too bad Obama's people didn't think out of the box and do something of this scale. I'm still a Democrat, and I am not an Obama supporter, but I still support the planks of my party. I wonder if Hillary is sitting in her Senate office paying off her campaign debt and writing Obama a note that reads something like this.
Dear Obama,
Karma is a bitch.
Love, Hillary
Now, the second part of the speech was from some McCain writer and it showed. Yes, I have heard that he was in the military and yadda, yadda, yadda. I respect his service, but tell me about his future not his past. Not to mention we aren't supposed to comment on "her family issues" but they sure used them as pretty props last night) As far as I'm concerned, I think it should all be fair game. We have reached that extremely low part in journalism so let's just go all out. Maybe all the families of the four running mates participate in Jello wrestling matches. Thoughts?
Anyway, I am mature enough to recognize that McCain's people went for the one area (that I have said for over a year -- I have witnesses) that Obama was weak. Pure experience. That is why I voted for Hillary in the Primary and would have voted for her again in November if given the chance. My party became enamored with the thought of having Obama for president without fully "vetting" him.
I respect Joe Biden. Great liberal and I have to love that he is a Catholic or what I would call sensible Catholic. (Not that he is gonna get to take communion for that) And I think Sen. Biden has all the stuff to be President if need be, but Obama's people took a huge misstep and it may just cost them the election. They knew that his lack of experience would be the issue. Heck, it was the issue that Hillary used against him. Did they think McCain would just let that go? Executive Power woos people. Not sure that is the way you spell woo but go with it, okay? Obama's people were thinking they needed to balance the ticket and getting a fairly attractive clean living old white guy with lots of DC experience would do it. But it kinda goes against the "motto" they are using of McCain more of the Same. How are they changing Washington if they take Joe in tow?
But McCain, he performed a Lazarus miracle. He got people's attention and is keeping it. I truly thought the DNC was a tight program last week and flashy to a fault, but the usually boring GOP last night was on fire with Sister Sarah. An unknown mother of five that is a popular Governor, has a special needs infant, a son going to Iraq, a nephew in the gulf, a knocked up teenage daughter (with scared teenage baby daddy in hand--I bet he wishes he had worn a condom) and a pretty darn good looking husband that is half Eskimo. What the F**K? It could only be better if she was cross-eyed. And she gave one hell of a speech considering she had never in her life done anything like that in Alaska.
Now just to keep all of you on track. I am NOT voting for McCain/Palin, their party and my politics don't see eye to eye. But I give them props for doing an amazing job of pulling this campaign together and making this a convention worth watching!
Too bad Obama's people didn't think out of the box and do something of this scale. I'm still a Democrat, and I am not an Obama supporter, but I still support the planks of my party. I wonder if Hillary is sitting in her Senate office paying off her campaign debt and writing Obama a note that reads something like this.
Dear Obama,
Karma is a bitch.
Love, Hillary
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
BACK PAIN, DAMN GUSTAV HURRICANE, AND THE HOGS WIN!
It is Wednesday, and just like any other 4 day work week, I'm screwed up. It feels like Tuesday. I spent all day saying to myself . . . It is Tuesday, because I honestly felt it was Monday. Not to mention, I'm on heavy painkilling drugs. Last Friday I hurt my back. I've never hurt my back in any way, shape, or form before so I feel like I am 82. If only I could report that it was from a new page of the Karma Sutra, but no, I was picking up dog food in Sam's Club. Damn Dog! I hurt so bad that I did not go to the first Razorback Game. Hubby and Son went and had a great time. The hogs barely won, but it is a Win! Way to go Bobby! Suck it Houston.
There is a reason that I live inland. No hurricanes or so you would think. We are being drenched by Gustav. Now it isn't so bad that we are getting the extra rain since I hate watering the yard, but hurricane leftovers. Kinda makes me feel so vulnerable and couldn't our hurricane have a better name? Gustav? Really? How about Gene, Gertrude, Gladys, or Grandma? I mean a Russian Hurricane. What is wrong with the weathermen? Anyway, I have shot a few pictures so those of you that don't believe me can see we are having a cloudy, gloomy, no-good day. Thanks Gustav!
However, You did keep W. from making a live appearance at the Republican Convention. Priceless. GWB via satellite. If only McCain's week could get more disorganized. What does it say when you can't get the President to make an appearance on your behalf but Joe Lieberman will? Please all my Republican friends(and you know who you are) TAKE JOE LIEBERMAN!!!!!
I've already called, but Happy Anniversary to Sharron and Steve. All people married on the third rule!
All these pictures are from outside my office.
There is a reason that I live inland. No hurricanes or so you would think. We are being drenched by Gustav. Now it isn't so bad that we are getting the extra rain since I hate watering the yard, but hurricane leftovers. Kinda makes me feel so vulnerable and couldn't our hurricane have a better name? Gustav? Really? How about Gene, Gertrude, Gladys, or Grandma? I mean a Russian Hurricane. What is wrong with the weathermen? Anyway, I have shot a few pictures so those of you that don't believe me can see we are having a cloudy, gloomy, no-good day. Thanks Gustav!
However, You did keep W. from making a live appearance at the Republican Convention. Priceless. GWB via satellite. If only McCain's week could get more disorganized. What does it say when you can't get the President to make an appearance on your behalf but Joe Lieberman will? Please all my Republican friends(and you know who you are) TAKE JOE LIEBERMAN!!!!!
I've already called, but Happy Anniversary to Sharron and Steve. All people married on the third rule!
All these pictures are from outside my office.
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