Lost and Sad

I've never been in this place before. There is no place that is whole. My body and my heart are torn to different parts of this world. Never peace never secure never completely whole. Where are the arms that are suppossed to hold me and keep me safe? Did I just fantasize that those arms and that man would be different? Why isn't my life different? Why did God make this my path? Will I ever know that answer?

Late

Always a day late and a dollar short. Such is my life and it seems to be an example of your life. Sadness is a constant wave of emotion over me. Almost deadened on the inside. Deep places that only you can touch are wasting away. They are thirsty for your faint words of love. Looking daily to faith to carry me and guide my decisions. Are you? I believe all things are possible. I am waiting for my life's will to speak to me. Just late night thoughts . . . Not sure they make much rhyme or reason but they flowed out. 143

Trust

It was nice to hear that you trust me. I do trust you. Sometimes, I don't like you very much but I do love you and I do Trust You. I was thinking that we have had so much adversity in the last 4 years that when it is just you and me trying to accomplish something like we did tonight . . . it goes rather smooth. Isn't that ironic? 143

Advice

To those they may drop in to see the latest drama. Here is some sound advice. Don't fall in love. ever! It isn't better to love and lost than to never love at all. It is better to be in love until death parts you. Don't put material things and treasure as an important part of anything. It is fun and everyone loves the stuff, but at what cost?
Never leave your soul mate. Because your soul stays with them when you go. Never really find out what crying your eyes out means. It hurts.
I just can't stop the hurt. Never get in a place that you can't stop the hurt.

Friday

45 143 353. Understand? Know it is true.

This is a song from the Weepies. I dedicate it to 2009.

Scattered shadows on a wall, you watch the long light fall
Some impressions stay and some will fade
Tattered shoes outside your door, clothes all on the floor
Your life feels like the morning after all year long.

Every day it starts again
You cannot say if you’re happy
You keep trying to be
Try harder, maybe this is not your year.

Movies, TV screens reflect just what you expected
There’s a world of shiny people somewhere else
Out there following their bliss
living easy, getting kissed
while you wonder what else you’re doing wrong

Breathe through it, write a list of desires
Make a toast, make a wish, slash some tires
Paint a heart repeating, beating “don’t give up, don’t give up, don’t give up.”

Snowing

It is Sunday night and I think the snow is beautiful, but you are not here to share it with. I am sad that we are not together tonight or any night. Tomorrow is a new beginning for you and it is a sad day because the house is being auctioned off. I hope your first day of work goes well. I hope you can stay in the house for a few months until things are better. Miss you so much right now. It hurts.