New Year's Eve

Happy New Year! I guess it has been 4 years since you came to AR. Wow, I never thought we would be in this place. It makes me speechless. If only we could go back and talk to those two people so in love at the Tulsa Airport on New Year's Eve 2005. What would we say? What would not say? 143

It is Monday

It is Monday and I am at work. We didn't have a pretty conversation last night. I didn't mean to upset you . . . I was upset. (but not with you) I hope you like your hat. It should keep your head warm. It was given to you with the best intentions.

Seven

Seven is the perfect number and today is day seven of loving. Showing Pure Love for those around me. It isn't easy to not have the snappy comebacks or to not be mad at those that continue to stab me in the back. I guess that is how you just move on and prioritize what is important. It is hard to tell who is readying this. Are you reading this and just not commenting anymore? Merry Christmas.

O Come All Ye Faithful

The season is about Jesus' birth. How did it evolve to Santa, trees, work parties, tacky lights and fruitcake? This season I have had a horrible time focusing on the "Christmassy" things that usually mean so much to me during December. Some things I have just avoided because it was too painful. However, some clarity has taken place. Pure Love. I'm by no means perfect at it, and I don't know if I will be able to keep it up. But I just want to love.
Isn't that what God did and why we celebrate Christmas? Love us. Send his Son, Jesus, to be a perfect baby just to have him pay for all of our sins. All of our sins. Everyday we sin and that sin has been paid for by our Jesus. There is no love that could be so pure. I'm in awe of just thinking about that right now. Maybe the lack of money, gifts, and other riff raff has left me to focus on Christ.
Pure Love Day 5 Merry Christmas.

Almost Sunday

It was Day 4 of Pure Love and it didn't really go as planned. I have felt awful all day and a depressed mood. Dim is my light today.
I just heard Joy to the World. Joy is such a small word and yet so hard to obtain and keep. Joy, Joy, Joy.

Sweet

The red box with sweet oozy chocolate covered cherries say Christmas to so many. Everyone reaches for the Queen Anne box. Those were special Dark Chocolate Peppermint and there were only three in the box that were uncracked. Pure Love day 2. Merry Christmas.

Today is Thursday

The lights of the Plaza are calling me. I am going to go see them on Saturday night. It will be a long drive alone but I need to take that in and come to terms with what that place means to me. Hopefully there will peace found and thoughts for the future constructed. If I live to be 100, I will never forget the carriage ride and the lights. Day 1 of Pure Love and Merry Christmas.

It is Sunday night

I can't find you anywhere. It scares me not knowing if you are okay. Are you okay? Please be okay.

Movies that make me think of you

I never watched this entire movie until I watched it with you. It is very hard to decorate the tree without you. I am not crying all the time anymore, but I am having a hard time with the material things associated with the holidays of the last 4 years. This song in White Christmas was my favorite.

Bing Crosby - Snow (from white christmas) Lyrics Album:

SnowIt won't be long before we'll all be there with snow
SnowI want to wash my hands, my face and hair with snow
SnowI long to clear a path and lift a spade of snow
SnowOh, to see a great big man entirely made of snow
Where it's snowing All winter through
That's where I want to be Snowball throwing
That's what I'll do
How I'm longing to ski
Through the snow-oh-oh-oh-oh
Those glist'ning houses that seem to be built of snow
SnowOh, to see a mountain covered with a quilt of snow
What is Christmas with no snow
No white Christmas with no snow
SnowI'll soon be there with snow
I'll wash my hair with snow
And with a spade of snow
I'll build a man that's made of snow
I'd love to stay up with you but I recommend a little shuteye
Go to sleep And dream Of snow

So Very Tired

I'm tired of fighting the sadness. I'm tired of blocking out the memories. We went to get a live tree today. The first time I picked out a tree without you. I did better than you would have expected. It is around 7 ft. tall and very nice. It has good form and smells very nice. Maybe you taught me well. One thing I will always think of when it is Christmas is picking out real trees with you. You didn't think I would ever get one again, but now that is a big part of the house decorating for me. There are so many things I don't think you understand about me.