It's Tuesday and I can't seem to see the end of the tunnel.

I prayed the rosary all the way to work. I do find it funny that I have a Rosary CD from the Mary Foundation that I got in SF in 2005 and it perfectly fits the 17 minute ride to work. Who knew that God could work that out for me? I'm nervous today and I don't really know why. There is strong part of me that hopes that our blessed mother can pray extra for me today. I'm feeling completely out of control with job, money, family, kids etc. Anthony has brought me into the Catholic faith, but the church is growing my faith daily. God knew this was the right place for me. Just wish I had taken a little more of a direct path.
Thankfully, one big material stress reliever is my knitting. I hit a knitting jackpot yesterday at Hobby Lobby. They are always having discounts on yarn, but this week there was some extra goodies. I picked up some pink, green and blue for the many, many, many, babies that are on the way. Kelli, our niece in CA, is having a girl. Alisa, my estranged sister in Hong Kong is adopting a girl from China (she is 9 months old) Anthony refers to her as Wang Chung. I think they are naming her Isabelle. Who knows? Then our hairstylist Kelli is pregnant, but we don't know the sex. Friends from our soccer club are adopting a baby girl from Texas and that is being finalized this week. So babies are abundant and that is a beautiful blessing that keeps me smiling on days like these.
There are times that I wish Anthony and I could go through that process together, but alas, the odds are stacked against that possibility. Such an ordeal would probably be the catalyst for my parents to take a hit out on the two of us. Why they hate us so much now, I will never understand. If any parents are reading this, I beg of you to stand by your children in their darkest hours. Children of any age need to be loved and have thier parents. The only justification for their hate is my divorce. No drugs, no prison, no theft, no laziness. I got my BA, I have held a job, I have raised two amazing children. I don't get it. Will they ever break through this hate? I'm beginning to believe the answer is no. They hate me for getting a divorce and they hate me for Anthony and they will hate me even more for becoming a Catholic. It is a lose lose situation. I have lost the loved ones that make up my past and they have lost knowing my future. What a horrible situation for a once loving supportive family to end.
So I guess my greatest baby gift I can give to all of those that I am knitting for is to look at my sorrow and grief and never bestow that on your children. Do not be unforgiving of your children, but love them unconditionally.